Monday, January 18, 2021

Unexpected Shadow Work

My chest felt tight. 
Full to bursting. 
The intensity of it was real.
And it did not stop.

And because it did not stop.
The tears came. 
A need fulfilled. 

From people who did not lie
When they said we were a family. 

I was called a Nazi by a Facebook friend's friend. For what? For saying that I hoped that a business that had signs up saying "NO masks required" would be reported for a health violation. Two people backed her up. But my FB friend who originally posted in favor of this business stayed silent. 

And I did not notice. 

Not until the people I work with to run some FB groups got wind of what was going on, and they were like wait. And suddenly, I was being defended and supported and their BS was called out. I was stunned. 

In private group chats I was told, wtf, this isn't a real friend, thinking that's okay. And they were right. It's one thing to disagree, but it's another thing entirely to allow these level of vitriol. If roles were reversed I know I would have said something along the lines, hey, not a cool comparison, keep it civil please. 

I was gobsmacked I didn't notice.

And oh, it was so odd to have shadow work come up unexpectedly.
I was not used to having multiple people go OH HELL NO on my behalf, all at once. The boundaries laid out, the calling out in classy and sassy ways. It was breathtaking. 

And I felt like a kid again, the girl who was bullied at school, abused at home. The girl who was the problem child or the stupid/underachieving student (depending on the teacher). 

I mentioned how it felt like I was dealing with some unexpected shadow work, and I was immediately told, shadow work is hard stuff, you're not supposed to do it alone. And holy shit. My brain had somehow thought oh yes, for everyone else, except me. It feels so good to be wrong. 

I did not get made fun of once. I was only supported and listened to. And it was everything. 

I blocked that fake ass friend. And the people supporting the anti-Semitic Nazi comparison on mask wearing. 

I was seen and heard.
And it was safe. 
And I was supported. 
I wasn't alone. 
My resiliency leveled up.

artist unknown

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